Our hearts are breaking, but yet there is this huge wave of peace and relief coming over us as we make this announcement and take this incredibly massive leap of faith.
The Jouberts are moving to Utah.
We have experienced challenge after challenge the last 5 months, and everything recently came to a breaking point. We knew something needed to change — bad things kept happening to us. Were we missing something? Was Heavenly Father trying to tell us something?
But there were so many variables involved with leaving Oregon. We knew we needed to do it, but when? At first, we decided after the baby is born would be best. Because it either had to be now, or after she is born. Moving out of state while in my third trimester and needing to find a new midwife scared me to death, and I knew that if it was what Heavenly Father really wanted, I would do it. But I told Cristian I just couldn’t do it if it was the beginning of April, since that would be four weeks from my due date.
Then there was the problem with our living situation. We couldn’t just up and leave in the middle of the month without paying a lease break fee (since we’ve been staying in and paying rent for a friend who moved to California, and the security deposit is still in her name) or finding someone to take over the townhome. We moved forward and waited to see if someone would take it. I was in charge of posting listings on every rental site I could think of. I spoke with over 50 people, and I showed the house probably 10 times. Because we were waiting for someone to take it, we still had no idea exactly when we would move.
Pregnancy has been hard on me — both physically and mentally. And the idea of not being able to give birth to my baby where I had planned (a beautiful water birth center in Portland that we were totally in love with, and the birth center my mom went through when she had my little sister) was hard on me emotionally. During one of my many emotional breakdowns the past few weeks, I weepingly yelled to Cristian, “I want to know where I’m going to have my baby!”
I was dealing with all of that, and Cristian was dealing with what to do with his marketing company. Yes, we’ve experienced unforeseen financial difficulties since he took it over, but most of all, he realized how badly he just didn’t want to do the job anymore. It was demanding, and he knew it. The lifestyle that comes with it would not be conducive to the kind of father he wants to be. Owning a business in direct marketing is not what he went to school for (which is International studies/Linguistics). He originally went into it so he could have the marketing and managing experience he needed for the type of job he ACTUALLY wanted but couldn’t get after graduating college.
Letting go of it has lifted such a burden. Cristian has this fire I’ve never seen in him before — he’s excited for the future. And we’ve experienced blessing after blessing when it comes to shutting it down. His colleague is able to take it over so he won’t have to leave his employees in the dust. And all of Cristian’s coworkers and mentors have been so understanding.
Cristian’s company will be shut down by the end of this week. However, we haven’t been able to find someone to take over our townhome, so we decided that since the company was shutting down, paying our March rent would be pointless if we were going to have to pay the lease break fee anyways. Which meant the sooner we left the place, the less money we have to pay (since we have to pay for each day we’ve lived in it for March).
My parents are driving up tonight and I will leave with them and all of our stuff on Thursday, and Cristian will follow next week after everything with his company is taken care of. We will be living with my parents in Midway for a few months until we get back on our feet.
There have been many tears, fights, and uncertainty between us. It’s tested our marriage. It’s affected my depression and I’ve experienced multiple panic attacks — the kind where Cristian had to hold me and tell me to breathe because I was hyperventilating.
There’s so much we’re going to miss about Oregon.
It’s where we really started dating 7-ish years ago.
Where we got married and started our lives together.
Where we got pregnant.
And created so many memories together.
Are we crazy to move without a new job? Yes. But we have no doubt that this is what we are supposed to do, and that Heavenly Father will bless us for our faith. We’ll be with family and friends again, which we are so excited for. We know we will be taken care of. We’ve kept thinking about what is best for our little family and especially this little girl coming our way, and we know Utah is where we need to be.