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The Joubert Den

A lifestyle blog about marriage, fashion, beauty, travel, and faith.

In C'est la vie

How to find yourself again

Author Posted on March 30, 2016

Be good to yourself. Take a sick day. Cut your hair. Accept a compliment. Try a new lipstick. Smile more. Start blogging again.

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Welcome

Hi! Welcome to our blog — The Joubert (Joe-BEAR) Den. We are Cristian & Sonja, a newlywed couple navigating married life while adventuring along the way. Here we share bits and pieces of our every day lives, travel, fashion and our faith. Stay a while!

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sonyjoubert

I basically lived in my @cozyearth loungewear whil

I basically lived in my @cozyearth loungewear while we were at our hotel in Dallas this week! I’m wearing the Bamboo Joggers and Bamboo lounge tee. I also wore them while traveling today and let me tell you, I’m in love. 🧡 It was the perfect airport fit. I also love the softness, and that they’re temperature regulating. ⁣
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Use my code SONJAJOUBERT45 for 45% off your order (they also have bedding!). This is the highest discount available all holiday season! Thanks @cozyearth for the gift! #sleepcozyearth #loungewearchic #loungewearlifestyle #travelootd #momsofinsta

TW: Suicide ⁣ ⁣ These two have saved my life.

TW: Suicide ⁣
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These two have saved my life. Literally. I had to make a suicidal safety plan with one of my intensive outpatient program therapists a little over a month ago. The first thing I said when she asked, “what is something worth living for?” was “My kids. Because they need me, and I know they love me.” ⁣
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Sometimes I feel like I’m ruining them with my mental illness. Like Jemma’s what seems to be behavior issues are caused by my depression and that “I’m not as good of a mom as I could be” without it. When in reality, what she’s been going through the past few months is a lot of totally normal developmental behavior AND acceptable for our situation and the lack of stability it has caused. I’ve had to work through ingrained beliefs that this or that not is my fault. To let go of shame and guilt. ⁣
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Something that has helped was me being able to open up in my last post, and this one! So thank you, friends. For being here, your kind words, and amazing support. I don’t feel so ashamed anymore. ⁣
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And to my kids: I love you. Thank you for choosing me. I vow to choose you and your daddy each and every day. #suicideprevention #suicideawarness #postpartumdepression #postpartumdepressionsurvivor #ppdawareness #mentalhealthmatters

TW: Postpartum depression, suicide⁣ ⁣ I don’

TW: Postpartum depression, suicide⁣
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I don’t even really know how to start this, but I know I can’t hide it anymore. That I need to share what I’ve been going through — not just for my sake, but maybe for the sake of others who are going through similar.⁣
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I have struggled with depression since I was 16 years old. That’s almost a decade and a half of fighting. It’s gotten better and worse with the ebbs and flows of my life experiences (and various kinds of medications). However, since I had Jett, it has manifested in a deep, dark, postpartum depression. It has controlled me and my actions since. I started therapy in March, but the therapist I had (strictly virtual because of the pandemic), didn’t seem to help much. Then, my PPD got much, much worse when Cristian left on TDY. So much so that he became concerned because of some specific things I said to him on the phone when I was alone with the kids at our house in California for those six weeks. He shared this with my parents, who started to look into different ways to help me once I got to Utah. ⁣
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I was shocked when they presented the options to me, because I thought I had done pretty good on my own (when actually, it was A LOT of dissociation). ⁣
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But I agreed to consider it, and knew the help I had been getting was not enough. After about a month and a half of assessments at two different facilities, I started an intensive outpatient program specifically for postpartum mental and mood disorders. ⁣
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It has NOT been easy. They call it “intensive” for a reason. I am in therapy 10 hours each week. But. It is far better than the alternative where I was suffering each and every day with very little will to live. I still suffer. So often when I have to answer “yes” to “are you having suicidal thoughts?” on my daily assessment I struggle with so much guilt and shame. My life is complicated yet so beautiful — so WHY do I feel this way? But I’m learning. I’m learning that my feelings — the rollercoaster that they are — are valid. That my condition is not something to be ashamed of OR to take lightly. That it’s not something I can fix by just choosing to be happy. I’m learning specific (continued in comments)…

Soaking up all the ring sling snuggles I can get w

Soaking up all the ring sling snuggles I can get while I still can with this little dude! He’s SO active it’s ✨almost✨ impossible these days 😅⁣
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Ring sling from @hopeandplum in Marigold! #hopeandplum #gifted

Well, the only flirting I’m doing right now is v

Well, the only flirting I’m doing right now is via phone/text/FaceTime (thank you, military life for stealing my hubby 😩😅) and I’m not always thriving, but I’m 30 now! 😂 Grateful for another year of life and can’t wait to use this next one to continue to discover myself in this new stage of adulthood I’m in. Thank you for all of the love yesterday! 🧡🧡🧡 #dirtythirty #thirtyflirtyandthriving (had the best dinner with the funnest ambiance at @cafegalleriamidway last night!)

This girl has been through so much since her daddy

This girl has been through so much since her daddy has been gone. Leaving the only home she remembers. Not having her own room anymore and having to sleep on a foam mattress on my parents’ family room floor. Knowing daddy is “at work” but not understanding when he will be back. ⁣
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It’s a lot for me to process and deal with — let alone a 3 year old. She’s had her meltdowns and tantrums…some days it feels like that’s all she does. I’ve been going through my own mental health issues (hello PPD and some new postpartum rage) and them combined with the struggles of solo parenting and her reactions to all of the instability has made it really hard for me to feel as connected with and to her as I did before I had Jett. We’re working on it though, and I’m confident our bond is still there and will get better soon. ⁣
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Mamas, have you ever felt like you lost your bond with any of your babies? How did you get it back? #militarylife #militarychild #airforcefamily

I’ve been really mean to my postpartum body this

I’ve been really mean to my postpartum body this past year. Really mean. The last few months I’ve really tried to change how I view it, and let me tell you — it’s hard work. But the other day when I was in the middle of a hard workout at the gym I felt my hanging, soft tummy get in the way a little bit, which would normally really bother me. But I didn’t care! I remember even thinking those words — I don’t care! Because I was moving said body in a way that made me feel so strong. I reminded myself that it is likely that none of the other people at the gym care about how my stomach looks while I workout so neither should I.

I don’t always feel like this and some days have to put more work into reminding myself than others.

But I’m getting there.

Mamas, this is your reminder to NOT CARE. It’s YOUR BODY, no one else’s…even if your crotch gremlins make you feel otherwise 😉😅

Just call me mountain mama 🏔🌲Also, why is it

Just call me mountain mama 🏔🌲Also, why is it so hard to take pictures with three year olds? Or is it just mine? 😅

“Marriage is a journey, not a destination.”

“Marriage is a journey, not a destination.”

Cristian and I do not have a perfect marriage. Yes, we have this amazing love story…shouldn’t that mean our marriage is always happy, amazing, and great? Hell no. Because that’s not how life works. Parenting, finances, physical and mental health, careers, etc. etc. can make having a “happy” marriage really, really hard. But one thing our love story will always do for us is remind us how important we are to each other. And our marriage!

It’s important too, to remember that marriage will always require work of some kind. Sometimes, that work might not be hard at all, and you might actually enjoy putting it in! But other times, it will take all that you have mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. That’s when it’s key to know that you’re not working towards a destination — and that you definitely didn’t reach it just by getting married. You’re on a journey together…as cheesy as it may sound.

And I’m glad that I’ve got this guy by my side for ours! Even if it took him 5 years and an apology letter 😉

What do you think? What else is important for married couples (and those looking to get married!) to remember?

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