I may or may not have checked out a book called “Adulting: How to Become a Grown-up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps” from the library the other day.
I’ve also recently become obsessed with greek yogurt. Which is yogurt for grownups, right?
But I also recently finished watching the entire series of Gossip Girl after binge watching it for a couple of months (#chuckandblairforever).
And Miley Cyrus’ new song was on repeat last week.
The kicker to my whole growing up debacle is that I’ve discovered it sometimes requires quite a bit of letting go.
Why is growing up — and letting go — so hard?
For some reason I thought it was going to be so much easier after graduation and that things would magically fall in place for me and that I would be automatically happy. Boy, was I wrong.
I still live pay check to pay check (which, let’s be honest, that’ll be happening for a while) and I still consider a granola bar or fruit snacks to be an acceptable breakfast.
But what does this have to do with letting go?
I think I also expected graduating and entering the work force to indubitably wipe away all the insecurities, heartbreaks (ugh aren’t you just so tired of that word? Because I am) and sometimes awkwardness that were my college years.
But who am I kidding — I’ve only been graduated for like, not even a month and a half yet.
Can’t you hear it? That’s the constant internal babbling that are my thoughts.
“You’re a grownup now so you can choose Netflix over doing yoga, no problem! There’s no homework to do!”
“But wait — you’re a grownup now so your health is extra important. You should do some yoga. Or eat some kale. You love kale.”
I actually do love kale. But my ADD is showing and I need to get back to the point.
The point is, growing up and letting go of everything that’s holding you back are one and the same.
Sure, I still have dreams once in a while about my first love, even though it’s been years since he broke my heart and I last talked to him.
And yes, what happens in our minds as we sleep isn’t something we can necessarily control, but how we decide to feel after such dreams is a little different.
A couple of days ago I had to choose whether or not I wanted to be angry about something that put a massive wrench in my day or to simply let it go. I told myself that I was letting it go, and it worked.
I decided to take control over something I thought I had no control over, thus reaching a new level of the growing up game.
The teenage Sonja or even college student Sonja probably would have cried and been in a bad mood the rest of the day instead.
I sure am glad that girl is growing up.
P.S. I’ve been trying to grow up for a while now. Check out this column I wrote two years ago for the BYU-Idaho Scroll.